Super Bowl Prompts Desperate Boyfriend To Offer $500 For Pre-Game Football Lessons

Do you consider yourself a football expert? Do you eat, sleep and breathe the game? If so, you may want to hook up with a desperate guy in Brooklyn who is offering a willing teacher the opportunity to earn some quick cash ahead of the upcoming Super Bowl game.

“I desperately need to learn about football between now and next week’s Super Bowl game,” reads the ad, which appeared on Craigslist this afternoon. “Preferably from someone who was a quarterback in college or the pros, but at the very least someone who knows a lot about quarterbacks.”

Someone is either quite desperate to impress their girl or has way too much time on their hands. The Huffington Post attempted to determine which is true by reaching out to the poster, but did not receive an immediate response.

While the integrity of the post remains unclear, we can say we found the ad quite humorous and think you will too. Here are a few of the more laughable lines:

My girlfriend and I were just invited to a Super Bowl party at her ex-boyfriend’s apartment, and to be honest, last time I met him he told me he played football in college and I responded that I did as well –which was a lie … I guess I just panicked and wanted to impress my girlfriend. Anyway. He asked me what position I played and I told him I played quarterback because that was really the only position I’d heard of.

I really don’t know anything about football. … I’ve been reading articles on ESPN.com… and watching clips online but I don’t think it’s going to prepare me for questions about actually playing it, or for making good comments during the game. So I need someone who can quickly teach me. … This is really important to me. I think my girlfriend still really likes her ex.

I’m offering $500, but would be willing to go higher if you’re an actual college or professional football quarterback … And if you would be willing to text me good comments to say during the game, I’d to pay you an extra $100 for that. Maybe more if they’re good comments.

The clueless baller/comedian is asking interested parties to contact him “IMMEDIATELY via email if interested.” Click here to view the complete ad.

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"Mob Wives" Star Once Worked As Cocaine Dealer

VH1 standout snared, convicted in undercover DEA investigation

Angela "Big Ang" Raiola

Angela “Big Ang” Raiola, 51, was caught on a wiretap complaining to a drug kingpin about the inferior quality of coke she had to sell to her customers.

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Tubby Tabby Gets Revolutionary Knee Surgery

RALEIGH, N.C. — Because Cyrano weighs more than 20 pounds, amputating his cancer-weakened leg was out of the question. So the tubby tabby’s owners turned to doctors and engineers at North Carolina State University to get him back into mice-catching trim.

On Thursday, the 10-year-old cat from Upperville, Va., received what doctors believe is the first feline total knee replacement in the U.S.

“This is the most complex implant that NC State has made and really, in all honesty, that anyone has built for any situation that I know of,” said surgeon Denis Marcellin-Little, a French-born veterinarian.

Cyrano – his full name is Mr. Cyrano L. Catte II – underwent treatment last year at Colorado State University for cancer in his left hind leg. The disease is in remission, but the treatment left the leg nearly useless and extremely painful.

Marcellin-Little and NCSU engineer Ola Harrysson are pioneers in osseointegration, a process that fuses a prosthetic limb with living bone. In 2005, Marcellin-Little performed the world’s first surgery to fuse leg implants with a cat’s bone tissue, so Cyrano’s owners turned to him for help.

Britain’s Dr. Noel Fitzpatrick was credited with the world’s first total knee replacement in 2009 on a cat named Missy, whose leg was crushed by a car. But Marcellin-Little said Cyrano’s plastic and cobalt chromium alloy implant is more like those used in humans.

“It has a form of articulation that is unique – that allows the implant to bend and rotate,” he said, demonstrating with a model during a news conference the day before the surgery. “The devil is in the details.”

Such implants have become commonplace in dogs. But a cat’s smaller anatomy has proved more difficult to work with, and Cyrano’s damaged bones posed an additional challenge, Marcellin-Little said.

Unlike other joints, which are machined, Cyrano’s knee – in cats, it’s actually called a “stifle” – was fabricated using a laser process that hardens metal powder to exactly replicate his bones. More than a dozen people worked on developing and testing the implant, each half of which is about 2 inches long.

Marcellin-Little practiced the procedure four times on plastic models before Thursday’s surgery.

The operation began around 10:30 a.m. Attendants did not wheel Cyrano to the intensive care unit until almost 5 p.m.

Marcellin-Little said the tabby’s girth and big bones were a plus. He said Cyrano should be up and around in about a week, though he won’t be climbing trees for a while yet.

“We would like him to take it easy for about three months after surgery,” the doctor said. “And then we will let him be himself.”

Because so much of the time and material were donated, university representatives could not give a total cost estimate.

“Part of this is a pure research project, in a way,” said Harrysson, an NCSU professor of industrial and systems engineering.

The bill to owners Sandra Lerner and Len Bosack will be around $20,000. Sitting in a waiting room after the surgery, a visibly exhausted Lerner – who helped found electronics giant Cisco Systems – said “Rat Boy” is worth every penny.

“He’s my child. And if it were your child, would you begrudge the money?” she said. “I have a personal philosophy that people are, at best, equal with the other inhabitants of the planet. And I’m very, very grateful that I have the money and (am) able to do it.”

___

EDITOR’S NOTE – Allen G. Breed is a national writer, based in Raleigh, N.C. He can be reached at features(at)ap.org….

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Christian Josi: America’s (Kinda Dark) Sweetheart

Mortician And Newly-Minted Internet Sensation Caitlin Doughty Wants To Radically Change How We Think About Death, Dying And The Funeral Industry

Though I am obviously not of the target demographic, Jezebel — A Gawker Media property that offers “Celebrity, Sex, Fashion for Women Without Airbrushing” — is a mild obsession and a must-read in the course of my daily internet travels (after the Huffington Post, that is. *wink*). When I first discovered it, shortly after the 2007 launch, keeping up with the ‘Jezebelles’ and their musings felt a bit wrong — as if I were peeking behind a curtain into a place I wasn’t really supposed to be. But that quickly passed as it became clear that the blog is a highly relevant and useful resource for men who adore women, and I am a very proud member of that club.

I learn there. I laugh there. And on occasion I discover truly exceptional women there who are questioning and/or changing the way we as a society view any number of subjects, including the taboo ones. To wit, meet Caitlin Doughty of Los Angeles, California — a feisty 27-year-old Mortician and, thanks primarily to Jezebel, rapidly-rising Internet sensation.

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“She is funny, adorable, witty, clever and charming — not that we’ve ever met.” Effuses Jezebel Editor Dodai Stewart on her recent discovery. “The typical Hollywood casting for “Mortician” is usually a creepy old Vincent Price-looking dude, and she’s definitely completely unexpected and different.”

Stewart recalls the day last November when she opened a heads-up e-mail from a reader with a link to the first installment of a Doughty-and-friends-created video short called Ask A Mortician. “It was fascinating — a fun, friendly, female mortician talking about death? Not the usual YouTube fare, and so interesting. You don’t often see women talking about death.”

The featured clip was a huge hit with readers. Jezebel’s Facebook page lit up with ‘Likes,’ gushy comments, and a clamor for more.

“I can’t say that I was surprised, because I’d hoped people would see what I saw — something really and truly fun, fresh and different, macabre, yet fun.” Said Stewart during a series of e-mail exchanges, “It’s obvious she’s passionate about morbid stuff, but she’s also full of life — it’s an excellent juxtaposition and combination. I was glad when readers enjoyed it, and wanted more.”

And more they got. As of this writing, Ask A Mortician volumes 2, 3, 4 & 5 have all been eagerly anticipated and delightedly received, as well as a special clip made just for Jezebel wherein Doughty takes readers on a rollicking tour of famous Hollywood death sites.

Caitlin Doughty was born “on a balmy August evening on the cruel unforgiving shores of Ohahu, Hawaii” to Stephanie, a Realtor and John, a high school Social Studies teacher. In interviews, she talks of an early fascination with the macabre – one that her folks didn’t really catch on to until after she graduated from the University of Chicago with a degree in Medieval History, moved to San Francisco, and announced that she had found her true calling shortly after having scored an apprentice gig at a neighborhood mortuary and crematory.

“It came as quite a surprise, as we thought her working there was just a way to make ends meet at a job that was close to her apartment,” says Stephanie, “come to find out that she had been interested in the business of death for quite some time and that we had somehow missed the signs!”

“She told us that she had decided to get a 2nd degree in Mortuary Science right before we were all going to a big family wedding/reunion on the East Coast. She apologized for the fact that I was going to have to face everyone finding out about her plans, but I assured her that – when we all got together and the topic of how all of our wonderful children were doing – I would win the discussion hands down. And I did!”

How Doughty landed that first job that started it all will come as no surprise to anyone who’s seen her video clips or visited her collaborative website, Order of the Good Death. She simply showed up one day at Pacific Internment Service and charmed owner Michael Tom (who himself learned the craft on the job) into taking her under his wing. “I’ve always been open to hiring people with a good attitude and outlook and no experience in the field,” says Tom, “Caitlin’s sense of humor and intelligence made her an easy choice to hire. A couple things that struck me early on were her love of esoteric European literature and plays and her habit of writing in her journal about goings on at work. I always thought she would write a great play about the business, maybe she still will.”

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Now, 4 years later, living and working in Los Angeles as an established funeral director in her own right, she’s causing quite a stir by taking her message and her passion to the people. While indeed most responses to her quest to lift the veil and help the world better understand death, dying and the profession she loves have been overwhelmingly positive, some in the funeral industry aren’t exactly falling quite as hard for her as her civilian fans are.

For example, I called up the Wisconsin-based National Funeral Directors Association, shared a few episodes of Ask A Mortician, and asked if they would get back to me with a comment. Still waiting.

Amidst a sea of positive comments about the aforementioned “Volume 1″ lies this beaut:

This is typical of someone who has been in the business for 4 years. Using the term “mortician,” making videos of their profession, and just love telling people what they do. I have been a FUNERAL DIRECTOR and EMBALMER for over 15 years. Seen it all, and kids like this make me sick.

Mentor Tom, with whom she remains close, takes a more encouraging tone with regard to his former pupil’s newfound internet celebrity. “I think anything that pushes people to think about mortality and its lessons as to how one should appreciate life is to be applauded. I’ve shown a lot of friends not in the field her videos and writings and it usually brings both laughs as well as answers to questions they didn’t even know they had.”

“I haven’t spoken to many other funeral directors about Caitlin’s work. Some in the profession may well be taken aback by the playfulness of many of her pieces. I find nothing offensive about anything she’s done. She has done a great job translating her enthusiasm about our profession.”

But it is Caitlin Doughty herself who is her own best defender, and she’s an unabashed one at that. In a recent blog post responding to her critics, she writes:

“I don’t believe that our current death industry works for us. Sure bodies get buried, bodies get cremated, things get done. But we are missing a transparency, missing an interaction with the reality of death. The knowledge of death is not for an elite group of professional technicians. That’s like saying the knowledge of love is for an elite groups of professional technicians. It is for everyone.”

If, as “Our Favorite Mortician” (as Jezebel dubbed her) says, her fundamental goal is to simply get people talking about death, that’s working out pretty well indeed. And it’s pretty obvious we’re juuuuust getting started.

Photo credits: Portrait w/ Skull: Darren Blackburn. Crematory: Caitlin Doughty

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A Big Bow For 314 Curtsies In Five Minutes

A crowd at New York City’s London Hotel practiced some extreme etiquette Thursday night, setting the Guinness World Record for curtsying by completing 314 curtsies in five minutes.

“I think Londoners will be absolutely delighted,” Gordon Innes, CEO of the public relations firm London & Partners, told The Huffington Post. “[It's] our second world record.”

The firm is aiming to set 20 world records in time for the summer Olympic Games, which will be held in London in July.

Last week, it helped set the record for the world’s longest marathon hug, a sweaty 24-hour, 44-minute embrace that took place at an English train station.

For the record set Thursday, William Hanson, one of Britain’s leading etiquette experts, instructed dozens of Londoners, Guinness fans and a few Huffington Post staffers, who dipped and nodded their way into the history books while throwing back champagne and cocktails at a hotel bar.

It’s “not a great big swoop like you’d see in a Broadway show,” Hanson told the participants, but instead a slight dip and nod of the head.

Part of The Huffington Post’s Weird News team — Associate Editor Andy Campbell and Editor Buck Wolf — were considered ringers at the event, each adding upwards of three, even four curtsies to the world record total.

The firm will next attempt to break records for the world’s most expensive edible Easter egg and the world’s longest photograph.

A dapper Hanson, who posted a video blog about the event, said he was impressed.

“We achieved in five minutes [314] absolutely perfect and correct curtsies,” he said. “I’m elated. It’s not something you do every day and I’m very proud to be a part of such an exclusive club of world records. My ego will have gone through the roof right now.”

Huffington Post www.huffingtonpost.com…

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A Mouse Dispensing Cash Machine

A man in northern Sweden got quite a run for his money Tuesday when an ATM machine dispensed a mouse along with his 700 Swedish Kroner ($104), The Local reported.

Gholam Hafezi grabbed what appeared to be a string hanging from the machine, but suddenly discovered it was a mouse, reports Vasterbotten Folkblad, a Swedish local newspaper.

“I pulled once more and then his tail came off,” said Hafezi, who then rushed to a nearby grocery store for help.

Though the grocery store first ignored his request for help, eventually they managed to help remove the entire rodent from the ATM dispenser.

“One of them pulled out the mouse, and its head was left intact, although it was a little bloody. Then I got out my receipt,” Hafezi told the paper.

Halfezi isn’t sure if the mouse survived the ordeal.

This isn’t the first reported incident of a mouse-dispensing ATM machine. Earlier this month, a man in Saudi Arabia also received a rodent with his cash, notes Emirates247.com….

And just last November, a Spaniard was issued a live snake alongside his cash, according to the Daily Mail.

Huffington Post www.huffingtonpost.com…

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Can London 2012′s opening ceremony beat its predecessors?

Danny Boyle is up against faked footprint-shaped fireworks, aliens in flying saucers and spectacles with artillery fire and pigeons

Anyone concerned that Danny Boyle faces a daunting, Newton-like climb on to the shoulders of choreographic giants in his role as the Olympic opening ceremony organiser needs only to glance at some of his predecessors’ efforts for reassurance.

Beijing 2008 saw computer faked footprint-shaped fireworks trek across the sky from Tiananmen Square to the Bird’s Nest stadium, and a seven-year-old singer’s vocals mimed by a more aesthetically-pleasing girl.

In 1984, not content with sending torch-bearer Rafer Johnson up the longest, steepest staircase imaginable and having an Evel Knievel lookalike in a jetpack buzz the crowd, the LA games organisers decided for the closing ceremony that nothing embodied the Olympic spirit quite as potently as a big alien in a flying saucer.

Hitler’s ambitious plans for the 1936 Berlin Olympics – complete with Leni Riefenstahl’s famous film of the games – were heroically undermined by Jesse Owens’ victories. However, the games did produce one major legacy: the torch relay. Less tradition-setting were the Austrian and French teams’ Nazi salutes at the Berlin ceremony, though some French athletes later claimed they were giving the not wholly dissimilar Olympic salute. Eight years earlier, the Amsterdam games kicked off with a spectacle involving pigeons, artillery fire and the Olympic flame being lit for the first time. Sadly, Queen Wilhelmina missed the extravaganza. Either furious at the organisers’ failure to consult her or disapproving of the fact it was held on a Sunday, she became the first host head of state not to attend the opening ceremony, remaining in the isolated splendour of her Norwegian holiday retreat.Doubtless much to the relief of the planning committee, the Queen managed to overcome her umbrage, or principles, in time to make the closing ceremony, also on a Sunday.

But if it’s a masterclass in feelgood internationalism that Boyle seeks, he may wish to look all the way back to the 1896 Athens games: 80,000 people joined the Greek royal family at the Panathinaiko stadium to usher in the first modern Olympics, where the Danish-born King George (watched by his Russian wife Olga) patriotically declared: “Long live the nation. Long live the Greek people.”

The ceremony clearly met with the approval of Baron Pierre de Coubertin, the founder of the modern Olympics. Watching the crowds stream into the stadium, he was delighted to witness the “joyous and motley concourse”.

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Bash the poor and wave the flag – how this Tory trick works | Jonathan Freedland

In a move imported from the US right, the Conservatives have successfully induced people to vote against their own interests

The art of the magician, so they say, is distraction. Divert the eye of the audience with one hand and all kinds of mischief are available to the other. And if that’s true of magic, it’s truer still of politics. To adapt the slogan selling the new film Man on a Ledge, a big deception requires a big distraction.

Take these two apparently contradictory facts. This week saw proof that Britain is no longer merely suffering from anaemic growth but actual contraction, a shrinkage of 0.2%. One more dose of this, and we will be in official recession. And yet a day earlier the Guardian/ICM poll showed the Conservatives surging into a five-point lead over Labour, their highest rating for nearly two years. Even the coalition’s junior partners, the Liberal Democrats, saw a modest uptick.

Part of the explanation for this lies in Labour weakness. But relevant too is a trick that has long been part of US politics and which has now, it seems, reached our shores.

Here’s how it works over there, a phenomenon charted best by Thomas Frank in his 2004 book What’s the Matter with Kansas? For several decades, at least since Nixon, the right has persuaded middle- and lower-income Americans to vote against their own economic self-interest, by diverting their attention to “values” issues such as affirmative action, abortion or the sanctity of the flag. Upending the old rule that people vote with their wallets, Republicans understood that cultural anxieties – artfully stoked – could shift voters’ allegiances, even if that came at those voters’ expense.

So in 2004, it was clearly in the interest of a coalminer in West Virginia or a manual worker in Ohio to vote Democratic: John Kerry’s plans on pensions, safety at work, healthcare and tax would have helped them. But those states backed George W Bush, partly through appeals to patriotism and, especially in Ohio, fear of gay marriage.

Thus are millions of middle Americans recruited as footsoldiers into an army that, once in power, does the bidding of those at the very top. Once in office, thanks to those Ohio workers, Bush passed tax cuts that, by one estimate, benefited the richest 1% of Americans to the tune of $708bn. It is what the Americans call a bait-and-switch: get the voters riled up about gays or Barack Obama’s birth certificate, so that you can get to work shovelling cash from the poor to the rich.

Frank has now updated his thesis with a new book, Pity the Billionaire. It argues that the Tea Party right has sought to channel Americans’ fury at the post-2008 economic crisis not at its rightful target – Wall Street – but at Washington, casting “big government” as the villain. If only Washington were less intrusive and cut red tape, if only it spent less, then all would be well. So it is that the man on the dole ends up demanding action that helps not him, but the CEO on his yacht.

All this probably sounds alien to our politics. We congratulate ourselves that no mainstream politician here would try to distract the electorate by stirring subterranean racism or homophobia. True enough. And yet the coalition deploys some bait-and-switch of its own, albeit adapted for the British terrain. It’s working, too.

Thus the memorable political conflict of this week was not over that contraction in GDP, which should have registered as devastating proof that the government’s economic strategy is not working. It was over plans to cap benefits at £26,000. The timing may have been a function of the House of Lords’ timetable, but the strategy of the cap itself is clear. Rather than training its guns on the masters of high finance who caused the crash and had to be bailed out with billions in taxpayers’ cash – the scroungers at the top – the government is channelling our rage towards those on benefits, the “scroungers” at the bottom. If it hadn’t been for Stephen Hester and that pesky £1m bonus, it would have been a great success.

That Tea Party move has been imported too, though translated into British English. Here too the right argues, though less crudely, that governments not markets are to blame for the crisis. That is the implication of constantly damning Labour for “leaving us in this mess”, as if Lehman Brothers never toppled and as if the deficit ballooned because the last government paid too many nurses, rather than because tax revenues collapsed here the same way they collapsed everywhere else. That is the implication, too, of the Tory promises to make it easier for employers to sack staff or to relax the rules on health and safety, as if our current economic fate is the fault of an overzealous state rather than of an epic failure of the free market.

Most striking of all, because so Republican, is the Conservatives’ increasing use of what the Americans would call cultural or values questions to divert the public gaze away from the economic catastrophe. The Tories have used not race or gay rights but nationalism. Their current poll lead began with the bounce Cameron gained by apparently standing up to Europe with his December veto. He began 2012 casting himself as the union’s defender against Alex Salmond and the rebellious Scots.

And as if to recall the latter-day Boudica herself, Downing Street briefed that last week’s meeting of the National Security Council was devoted entirely to discussion of the Falkland Islands.

Bashing benefit claimants and waving the flag gets the polls numbers up – and all the while the economy tanks and the banks get to keep paying out bonuses. It works like a charm.

The irony is that the trick is being adopted here just as it’s losing some of its magic in the US. A new study found that conflict between the rich and the rest has replaced race and immigration in voters’ minds as the key tension in American society. Meanwhile, Newt Gingrich won in South Carolina partly by slamming Mitt Romney as a super-rich asset stripper. President Obama’s populist state of the union address this week suggests he recognises this shift and now believes that redressing the country’s wild economic imbalance is a vote winner. The same could be true in Britain, but first the opposition has to expose what the magicians are up to – and break their spell.

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Asil Nadir’s cash deposits ‘would be 300 times as big as Nelson’s Column’

Polly Peck chairman’s claims that money he allegedly stole was matched with cash deposits are ridiculed in court

Prosecutors have ridiculed Asil Nadir’s explanation that hundreds of millions of pounds, allegedly stolen from the Polly Peck empire he ran until its collapse in 1990, had been matched by cash deposits put back into the group via a Northern Cypriot subsidiary.

Drawing to a close his five-day opening remarks, Philip Shears QC, cast doubt on claims that huge cash deposits were made by, or on behalf of, Nadir’s elderly mother into an account at Industrial Bank of Kibris (IBK), a small bank privately owned by the Polly Peck executive chairman. Shears said the limited paperwork supporting these claims included forgeries.

One document purporting to be a bank slip appeared to detail a deposit of 148.8m Turkish lire denominated in 100 lire bank notes. “Such a huge quantity of bank notes is likely to have weighed approximately 135,185kg – over 135 tonnes,” said Shears. “As for the space taken up by such a volume of bank notes – if all the notes were piled on top of each other they would reach something like 300 times the height of Nelson’s Column.”

He added: “What is also open to question is how the defendant’s mother was physically able to transport and deposit such vast quantities of banknotes to a branch of the IBK on a regular basis. Without being flippant, we are now in the realms of fork-lift trucks and vans stuffed full of banknotes.”

When it was put to him by police in the early 1990s that no one at Polly Peck appeared to know about these payments into IBK, Nadir had said: “The whole accounts department, the whole treasury department here and in parts of Cyprus and Turkey, were the people actually doing everything. To say nobody’s aware of it is not a reasonable statement.”

Nadir, 70, denies 13 counts of theft relating to £34m allegedly stolen from Polly Peck between 1987 and 1990. The Serious Fraud Office claims these transfers were only part of a wider pattern of theft which saw Nadir siphon almost £150m out of the stock market-listed company for his own ends.

Auditors, directors and investors were allegedly fooled into thinking the money had been switched to subsidiaries in Northern Cyprus and Turkey. The deception was said to have been carried out with the help of a band of Nadir loyalists in Mayfair and Northern Cyprus. One executive who allegedly blew the whistle on Nadir’s cover-up story later claimed to have received repeated threats and said his house had been petrol bombed.

By September 1990 the purportedly cash-rich Polly Peck, which appeared to be generating much of its profits from Turkey and Northern Cyprus, agreed plans for a dividend payout and was making preparations to repay loans. According to the prosecution there was an increasing sense of crisis in the group as Nadir’s repeated promises to arrange for cash held by Turkish and Cypriot subsidiaries to be repatriated to Polly Peck were not honoured.

On 25 October the group had defaulted on its borrowings and was declared insolvent, owing £550m. Administrators were blocked from gaining full access to the accounts, records and bank statements of Polly Peck’s Northern Cypriot and Turkish subsidiaries, Shears told the jury, initially because of injunctions obtained by some of these firms.

Shears told the court Nadir had fled the UK months before he was due to stand trial in 1993 “in order to avoid prosecution”. He returned to the UK in 2010.

Shears suggested jurors, when they come to hear evidence from witnesses, may feel they have to make allowances for fading memories. He added that “quite a number” of witnesses who could have given evidence back in 1993 have died so their statements will be read out instead. Among them is the late Kemal Birgen, who had been general manager of IBK up to April 1991. Birgen had stated that deposit slips supporting Nadir’s version of events were forgeries.

After making such claims, Shears told the jury, Birgen later said he had been threatened, was sent dead chickens, and his house had been petrol bombed.

The trial continues.

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Mysterious Sounds – Compilation Video

With all the strange sounds threads, I wasnt sure where to put this, or how to search if a video had been posted before. Mods, feel free to move or delete as needed, obviously. …

AboveTopSecret www.abovetopsecret.com…

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